Lindsey Nordby

Never in my teenage life did I think I would spend 4.5 years away from the theatre, not performing. Throughout middle and high school, and most of college, being in productions was my whole life. As of today, the last time I was on stage was October 2018.

Last night, I saw The 39 Steps at The Denver Center for the Performing Arts. I was in the front row, which meant that I got to see some of the details such as the set crew and glow tape a little more clearly. And at one point in the second act, there was a blackout between a scene change and seeing the glow tape on the ground light up and having set pieces placed on top of them struck a chord in me.

Very suddenly, I felt heartbroken over the deep loss I felt in my life. Not performing for this long has cultivated a feeling of loss. While I have been auditioning for productions for the past year, I haven’t been cast in anything yet, so there is still a continuous feeling of loss when I think about the performing arts.

When I decided to take a break from performing back in 2018, I never knew just how long I would go without being on a stage again.

When I felt ready to go back to the theatre, COVID decided to make its appearance. Affecting my life as it affected so many’s lives in different ways, this delayed my introduction back to theatre. And then, after COVID was finally under control, my life had changed in so many ways. I was married and working an 8-5 and finding the windows to be in a production became slim to none. And this is where I am now.

For a while, I just kind of stuck it out and accepted that this is how it was. But throughout these years I have been reminded why I need to make some sort of push to try to be a part of a production. For starters, every time I spend time with my actor friends in Chicago I am reminded so strongly. Yet more recently, even something as simple as seeing the glow tape on stage last night reminded me how much I love the theatre industry.

When I started auditioning for community productions about 6 months ago, I had to make the decision that doing so will pull me away from my home on nights or weekends to pursue it. While my husband supports me, I have a very comfortable life having evenings and weekends open. However, my heart aches at the lack of participating in theatre productions, and this is what told me that I needed to carve out the time to do it.

There is something so special about activities that you have to consciously carve out time for. Those are the things that likely drive you and are what full your cup! Our passions and our responsibilities don’t always align 100%. For me, going to work is a responsibility. I like my job, but if I didn’t have to do it, I wouldn’t. Acting, and being onstage, that’s a passion. And I have to decide to make time for it. There’s something beautiful about passions that have touched your life that much.

As an adult, discerning what is important and what is not, it’s so necessary. Your time gets so divided, so fast, and you have to prioritize where you want to spend your time so that your cup is full.

If all I did every day was go to work and go home, or simply fulfill my responsibilities, I would be more exhausted than I would if I left work and went to rehearsals for a few hours and went home. I like to think that I’m an extrovert for theatre, if that’s a thing.

It makes me think of college when I was working from 3am-8am, in class from 8am-2pm, working again from 2pm-6pm, and in rehearsal from 6pm-10pm. I was exhausted from this schedule, sure, but it was also sort of invigorating still being able to do what I truly loved while also being able to fulfill my responsibilities. My cup was full.

I have a very good day to day life, but I can’t say my cup is completely full without theatre in my regular life. It is something I am working to rectify, one of these days I will land a role from an audition. Until that day I try to fill my cup from working on audition materials to avidly listing to musical theatre soundtracks.

While long winded, I hope you can take this away: your responsibilities alone won’t make you feel fully satisfied unless your responsibilities are also your passions. So, make time for what you are passionate about. Try to involve them in your regular life. Life gets so full and drab without having the true joy of your passions sprinkled throughout.

My passions are a little more difficult to just jump into, but I do what I can to incorporate them into my life, and I hope that for those of you reading this that you can do the same.